This is why you don’t shop over the phone.

Last night I got a weird call at work. I had to deal with a man calling on behalf of his wife who wanted to know how well Carhartt jeans fit compared to Levis and Wranglers. The conversation involved me repeating myself over and over again, getting creeped out by the guy in general, and me trying to keep utmost patience.

First, I had to explain that we no longer carry ladies sizes in Carhartt, and that if she wanted any she would require a man’s size. He wanted to know if they came in a size 8 and I had to explain to him that men’s pants are not sized that way (they go by waist and height rather than just a number). I had to repeat that a few times. He wasn’t deaf or anything, he was just trying everything he could to shop over the phone.

Then he wanted to know if I would know how they would fit compared to other pairs of jeans and I told him there really wasn’t a difference for, but that’s just me. He thought this meant that these jeans would fit perfectly for ANYONE and I had to explain no, people have personal preferences. What one person likes could be what another person doesn’t fit into. And with sizing varying from country to country and company to company it would be best to have her try them on herself (I had to repeat that 17 times. I counted). He wanted to know what size I wore, and I tried to give an example but couldn’t remember if it were 30×32’s or 32×30’s that I wore. “So you’re a medium size right? Are you a heavy medium or a thin medium?”. Then he told me that his wife was 5 ft 4 and wanted to know my size. When I told him he said “Wooow you must be all leg” I tried not to barf… Then I had to explain to him that she might have issues finding a size that she won’t have to hem. I again recommend coming in and having her try them on, and at that point he held the phone up to his wife so I could explain this to her. Because apparently him just telling her “Lets go shopping and try pants on tomorrow” was too difficult to of a phrase to speak of. What was really creepy though was that when I tried to talk to her I heard no female voice. She didn’t speak, I didn’t hear any breathing, it was just the guy telling me “Don’t worry she can hear you!”.

After 20 minutes of repeating myself and him asking me about my dimensions and height he finally decided to give it a rest. He asked what our closing time was and I told him we were closing in 30 minutes. After wondering if they would make it down on time he decided that they would just go shopping in the morning.

That’s assuming said woman actually exists and that he wasn’t actually just getting his jollies. I guess he makes regular calls to the others asking about young teens pants and wants to speak to workers who wear them… Oh well, I guess it’s cheaper to call stores rather sex hotlines.