The Mind Of OverlordTomala

Just thought I’d share this. It’s a good read

Source

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s…

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our video
surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ’ Mission Impossible’ theme.

11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’

One of the Staff passed out.

Hard laboring on Labor Day

I’ll be looking forward to one more helltastic day of dealing with asshats, but this time I’ll be getting paid closer to what I’m worth for the day since it’s a holiday. Oh wait… Geriatric Tuesday is the next day. Yep, I’m gonna have to get drunk Tuesday night.

On another note I was minding my own business at lunch time this afternoon, listening to some bible thumpers spreading the word of god to each other. There’s this one dude that talks to one of my former co-workers (who works in another section of the store) who always seems to fall into a bad crowd. He’s always around religious retards and conspiracy theorists (although I’m beginning to question if that’s the grand majority of the local populace) who put crazy thoughts into his head (such as chemtrails, or the fact that Jesus had a pet Stegosaurus and rode around on a T-Rex). Today I overheard one guy describing to him what he should be looking for in a woman, she has to be “obedient and well adjusted, and should never question the work of the lord because most women do”. I had an image of a woman running on all fours running up to her companion panting and barking… lol man’s best friend.

So, by those standards I guess I fall into the demonic category. Which, of course we already knew.

Bring forth the derp.

Bleh… Been getting my ass beat the last couple of days. We’re having a long drawn out labor day sale and everyone and their brother has decided to come forth and bring all the stupid to one glorious location, the social club that is the wannabe walmart.

I’d post more, but I’ve been enjoying shooting in violent games and pretending their the people who have earned my eternal wrath that I’ll never commit.

Early Morning Open Thread

Well, work wasn’t very hectic tonight. It was quiet, as in ghostly quiet. You could hear a pin drop. It’s getting close to the end of the month and with people getting ready to put their kids back into school it’s safe to say that people are running out of money. Real sad. I imagine this will lead to some cuts in scheduling, which means I’ll be around more often to torture people.

Oh well, on the bright side it’ll be my Friday. I can stay up late and play some new TF2 maps and maybe work on a review.

The grind continues.

I think this is the best turnout I’ve had in years. Set work days, set days off, set hours. Two weeks from now I’m still getting 38 to 40 hours. I’m taking this while I can. Helps pay for stuff.

Speaking of paying for stuff my new backpack arrived… and it doesn’t fit my laptop. It would fit if my laptop didn’t have an odd shape. This is what I get for being balls to the wall awesome… So now I’m sending out for ANOTHER backpack that I KNOW will fit the laptop. :headdesk: Can’t wait for this to be over with.

I almost feel human.

I can breathe, I can pop my ears, it’s great! Still coughing up a bit but not too bad. I bought some hot ghost pepper salsa to clear the ol sinuses and cry man tears. Shit is so awesome.

Oh, and I took the homestuck character quiz I found. Apparently I’m Dave Strider.

You are Dave Strider
You are Dave Strider
Take Which Homestuck character are you? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey‘s Personality Test Generator.

Dave has a lot of outward confidence and acts very aloof, but in reality he is much different. He has trouble showing his emotions and because of this he has trouble connecting with his friends. His confidence is also empty – he is all talk. He keeps up this image of coolness and is quite good at it, but once the cracks in his facade show, and his true immature-13-year-kid self is revealed, it is easy to see how insecure he is – he constantly calls John lame and stupid, but in reality idolizes how brave he is. Rose is one of the people who has Dave figured out, and because of this, he feels rather antsy around her because he knows she can see right through him into his insecurity.