Ruining It For Everyone Else Since 2004
Indies: Only If

Indies: Only If

I treated myself to a game this weekend… I think? I haven’t played anything in over a week and sifted through my ever expanding games collection when I came upon a game I forgot I obtained a long time ago, and so can anyone else. Only If is a first person puzzle game that isn’t afraid to kick you to the curb. Your name is Anthony, and you’re going to a party to meet a girl named Sam, and you’re such a fucking pansy that your vision fades before even opening the god damned door! Bloody Pratt.

You awake in a bedroom of the house you were too much of a wuss to quite make it into… somehow. There is a door on the right of the anime babe, all ready to engulf you (or Anthony) in Darkness. You find a light shining in a void, as you walk to it the light orb begins to move and you hear someone or something giving chase.

The light orb leads Anthony to a blocked door; he manages to get through, only to be greeted by our antagonist: An angry radio (and probably one of the few good voice actors in the game) that simultaneously threatens, helps and berates you.

You are tasked with choosing a white or black pawn; Taking a white pawn means to sacrifice yourself while taking a black pawn sacrifices Sam (the girl/plot device). You have to complete a puzzle after choosing your desired pawn, and once you succeed you’ll have a key to open the door representing the choice you made with your pawn. Each path is different, and some of the answers to some of the rooms are not what you would expect. Some of the puzzles don’t seem practically solvable without a guide. [su_spoiler title=”If you aren’t afraid of spoilers…” open=”no” style=”fancy” icon=”plus-circle”]I couldn’t even figure out how to get past the first part of the White Pawn portion in the first room where the guy over the radio, “Vinny” is asking you to name something sweet, and if you don’t type the answer you’ll die. I didn’t know I could just type! Supposedly he gives away the typing bit over the radio but it sounded unintelligible to me.[/su_spoiler]

It’s far from perfect, but for the price and the year this came out I can’t really complain too much. I need to fiddle around with it a bit more before doing one final review of it, but I can at least say that if you have an expendable amount of time you want to waste, and a computer 15 years of age you should set some time aside to check a look at this artistic brain rot. If anything it’s an artful time waster.