The Mind Of OverlordTomala

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So, G-Man used to go by the name deep throat? Didn’t ever imagine him being that kind of guy…

We all know why this blog was banned from the Mystblogger community.

The DarK Wars. The battle between Tomala and the dude known as DarK — a.k.a. DorK.

Words were fired like missiles. Insults were batted back and forth like badminton birds in some titanic game of shuttlecock.

And somehow, it was Tomala’s fault.

It’s true, she did whipsaw some choice invective. Some would say the war went over the bend, around the curve, up the flagpole. But only a few people know the reason.

You see, Tomala knew DarK in the days before he was DarK. They were more than friends. They were like big sister and little brother, counselor and counseled, teacher and student, pilot and passenger. He was one of Tomala’s students in her online Sunday School outreach minstry, The Online Path (www.onlinepath.org). Known then as Raoul, a teenager from New Mexico, he showed promise as a bringer of grace, a soother of souls — the sort of enlightened peacemaker that the Uru community so desperately needed. Under Tomala’s tutelage, he was about to become an emissary of light during MOUL’s dark days.

And then a friend emailed Tomala the terrible truth: “Raoul” was not a 17-year-old student from Albuquerque, he was a forty-something adult from Britain. He was not hungry for enlightenment, he had a history of acts with farm animals too lurid to be detailed here.

After such a shocking betrayal, can Tomala be blamed for going a bit ballistic?

In the traumatic aftermath, her life fell apart. She shut down her online outreach program, threw away her entire collection of Little Ponies, gave up her vegan vows and binged on Big Macs for three weeks straight. Wandering despondently through a mall bookstore, she came upon a copy of “500 Dirty Words for Online Warriors.” It was a life-changing experience for a person who previously washed out her own mouth with soap for saying “fudge” and “pack” in the same paragraph.

What the community saw on this blog was just the tip of the iceberg. To this day, the very sight of goats or sheep gives Tomala flashbacks. Hearing “Bah-Ram-Ewe” sends her into tears. Even wearing wool makes her break out in hives.

Currently working with experts in post-traumatic recovery, Tomala is gradually emerging into the world “After DarK.” As a result, in the months to come the Mystblogger community will see a kinder, gentler I Am Uru and So Can You.

Now that the Mystbloggers know the truth, will they reach out the hand of tolerance and beckon this blog to return to the bosom of their community?

We shall see.

Let’s be honest.

The owner of this blog has a fearsome reputation. There is no doubt about it.

She is rumored to carry knives. To wear Freddy Krueger gloves when typing a post. To collect Little Ponies and hold them against their will.

But in fact, the blogger known as Tomala is an upstanding, churchgoing American who has spent thousands of hours as a volunteer counselor at a local shelter for abused immigrants.

How can a sensitive soul who cries herself to sleep over the pain of Guatemalans have the reputation of an eater of boogers whose real father is Rand? The truth is they are lies, spread by people who wouldn’t know the difference between boogers and pizza-sausage; people who are no more related to Rand Miller than they are to Kevin Bacon.

These rumormongers have mangled the minds of our fellow Cyanophiles. As a result, and through no fault of their own, the barons and baronesses of the Mystblogger community have a take on Tomala that is tragically wrong. Thus her blog was banished.

They shall hear the truth, and the truth shall set this blog free.

Next: “The Whole Enchilada on the True Tomala“

Banishment from the Mystblogger community. It’s a hard bucket of piss to swallow.

Well, any bucket of piss is hard to swallow, but when it’s from our fellow Cyanophiles it’s especially painful. Kidney-stones-the-size-of-Rand’s-head painful.

But it may be just the kick in the bladder this blog needs to clean up its act.

The Mystblogger community isn’t stupid. They know when there’s a blackhead on the communal butt, and they want to see it squeezed. A cleansing of the community pores, as it were.

And who can blame them? Face it, this blog has become a festering pimple threatening to pop. Time for a giant tube of Clearasil. A deep scrub with Stridex pads.

In the coming days I’ll be posting a plan to cleanse this blog of its old evils. To peel away the scabs of cynicism and lay bare the new, pink skin beneath. To wash the wounds of bitterness in the warm lake water of D’ni.

It is time to rejoin the collective bosom of the Mystblogger community.

We’ve been away from that bosom too long.

Shorah.

I now banish DreamingGirl from the co author of the week spot and replace her with her own personal choice. You will no longer see disturbing photos from her until the next time I choose her. Grab yer popcorn folks it’s gonna be a fun ride!

Due to the recent traumatizing of Mystbloggers because of this blog, I have decided to post some cute things to help ease the recovery.

Cute enough for you Mystbloggers?

It is with great satisfaction I observe that this blog has been removed from Mystblogs.com .
Apparently Tomalas dirty evilness was too much for the readers of said blog, and the admins were forced to remove it!

I say my mission has been a success, I wanted to show you all the truth about Tomala, and now you have seen it!!

And to all the scarred Mysters out there: That’s life!